A satire on rivers declared as living entities.
I woke up to the news of River Narmada being declared a living entity by the Madhya Pradesh Government. This news comes after a month of Uttar Pradesh Government declaring Ganga, Yamuna and their tributaries, a living entity. So, now India’s population goes from 1.311 billion to 1.311 billion plus 1, 2, and 3. Count them as Narmada, Ganga and Yamuna. And sad thing, they aren’t dying anytime! The worldometer.info shows live population of countries. From the time I clicked on that link to now, India’s population got increased from, wait let me give you an exact figure, from 1,340, 184,515 to 1,340,184,545. I kept staring blankly on my computer screen. It increases every micro second! 546, now 547, change tab, return to worldometer.info, now 605. Utter shock! And not to forget the 1, 2 and 3. They are *insert a swear word of your choice*immortal and here to stay.
Some more statistics on this blog and you are going to kick my butt. Do you know? Just like us, living entities, Ganga, Yamuna and Narmada can talk too? You don’t believe me? Check out this conversation. And because they are very much Indian, how can they not gossip and rant about everything possible! Inherent Indian things you see.
Ganga: They have given us the ‘legal status’ of living humans. Kill me oh lord! Are we joining the filthy human race?
Yamuna: You just sit back and flow. This move has been taken by the government to protect and conserve us. The congress leaders have taken a dig at this ongoing scenario to which Madhya Pradesh chief minister Shivraj Singh Chauhan said,
“You are free to mock at me, but let me tell you that our efforts to conserve river Narmada will one day set an example to the entire world on how to conserve rivers effectively.”
Who are they kidding?
Seems more like a political tension now.
And they heard him. Congratulations Shivraj Singh Chauhan, New Zealand too granted legal rights to Whanganui River by making it a living entity.
Narmada: And not to forget me. I am the latest to join the bandwagon. Clean pollution choked rivers. When are they going to stop dumping garlands, flowers and vermillion smeared idols in the name of religion? Holy shit! Literally.
Ganga: They say, a criminal case will be lodged against anyone who pollutes the river and legal action shall be taken. Forget about illegal mining in river Narmada, open defecation is illegal too. Seems like swacch bharat abhiyan has gone a notch higher.
Yamuna: And what about people bathing in us to purify their sins? Ban that too.
Ganga: What if a living entity drowns in a living entity? Would they charge us of homicide or would they charge it for suicide?
Narmada: We will be considered as minors. What now? We cannot even flow on our own?
Ganga: Respect me I am the oldest. Also I am India’s first living entity.
Yamuna: Naah, we got “legal parents”, so like Indian parents they will overlook our major mistakes like flooding and will attack other’s children for polluting and illegal digging. A true proud Indian entity we must say! And, the chief secretary and advocate general of Uttarakhand, our ‘legal parents’ cannot mend us with the oh so famous ‘one tight slap’. *smirks*
Narmada: And what religion do we exactly belong to? Hindu, owing to the maha artis taking place on our banks by prominent pandits? We won’t be considered equivalent to our counterparts. Casteism prevails here as well! We hold an exalted and sacred position.
Narmada: You two can continue meeting at prayag. Poor thing, I cannot hang out with you!
Ganga: I wish we would die by choking of industrial effluents and untreated sewage. But alas we are immortal.
Only if they would have given us the status of currency and not “living entities”. Atleast humans would use us judiciously.
Let’s hope for ‘Acche Din’!